GDPR and remote working, Ross O’Carroll Kelly-style

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly is the protagonist and narrator of many novels and a weekly satirical newspaper column in the Irish Times. He is a hugely self-confident South Dublin celtic tiger rugby cub who never grew up; his slightly dippy wife tolerates his legendary foibles and even-more-legendary indiscretions; and his terrible children take daily advantage of his boundless stupidity.

In last week’s column (audio here), he complained that his neighbour was power-washing the patio again, when he’s supposed to be working from home, but he gets away with it, because he gets his wife to move the cursor on his work laptop so it doesn’t go to sleep. Thanks to the pandemic, remote working is here to stay: in January of this year, the Government published its Making Remote Work – National Remote Working Strategy, “to ensure that remote working is a permanent feature in the Irish workplace in a way that maximises economic, social and environmental benefits”. It will create many benefits. For example, in this week’s column, Ross’s two eldest children, Ronan (Ro) (Ross’s illegitimate son, with many criminal connections) and Honor (Ross’s daughter-from-hell), go into the business of monitoring shirking remote-workers, without the need to microchip employees:

“So,” Honor goes, “a lot of you have, like, businesses, right? Well, they’re saying that when this, like, pandemic is, like, over, most people are never going to go back to working full-time in the office again … How do you know they’re even doing anything? How do you know they’re not like my so-called mom, who’s supposedly working from home, even though, this summer alone, she’s taken an online watercolour class, cleaned out the attic and reread all the Brontës.” …

“I had our human resources people check whether it would be legal to have my staff microchipped,” Larry Lucey goes, “so that I could monitor their movements via GPS. It turns out it would be a GDPR minefield. And a human rights one.” …

“Er, you won’t need to microchip your staff?” Honor goes. “Not if you sign up to Back To Your Desk – Remote Workforce Monitoring.”

This is not the first time Ross has run afoul of the GDPR (the General Data Protection Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2016/679 of 27 April 2016)). He got fired from his job as an estate agent for a data breach (blogged here), and a data subject access request to a taxi app (blogged here) disclosed some information Ross would rather his wife, Sorcha, not discover. Let’s see if his children can learn from their father’s missteps and run their remote workforce monitoring business in a GDPR-compliant manner. In particular, I wonder whether their clients will be clear, open and honest with staff about this monitoring. Ro and Honor could do much worse than to consult the guidance note on remote monitoring provided by the Irish data protection consultancy, Castlebridge. Meantime, tune in to next week’s column for the next installment in this … er, interesting saga.

3 Reply to “GDPR and remote working, Ross O’Carroll Kelly-style”

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Further developments:

Honor’s like, ‘Dad, can I leave school?’ I’m there ‘I don’t see why not’

… “There’s a hundord-and-fifty-odd companies is arthur signing up,” Ronan goes, “and there’s mower interested. You’re the thalk of the Sheddle Button Bar – that right, Cheerlie?”

The old man’s there, “Absolutely! …”

Yeah, no, they’re talking about Remote Workforce Monitoring, the confidential whistle-blower line, where members of the public – in return for a substantial cash incentive – can inform on people who are supposably working from home, but are really, like, not?

… The old man literally laughs [at] … “what this company is worth!” …

Ronan goes, “We’ve had it independently vadued, Sudeka. It’s already woorth five middion eurdos.”

… the old man goes. “And that’s just the stort of it! Imagine what it could be worth in two years’ time, when hybrid working is the norm!”

“We could be thalken ten toyums that amount,” Ronan goes. “Even mower.”

… The old man goes, “Welcome to the world of the billionaire entrepreneur, Honor!”

Even more developments:

“It’s oaber!” Ronan goes … “When I say it’s oaber, Rosser, Ine thalken about me and Hodor’s business. It’s boddixed, so it is.”

Ronan and Honor’s business – just to fill you in – is called Remote Workforce Monitoring. … The last I heard, more than two hundred companies had signed up to the service …

I’m like, “What happened, Ro?”

And he goes, “Tody bleaten Hoodihan happened. He’s arthur sinking eer whole operation – by tedding the Government to open up.”

[Ross and Ronan go into the kitchen, where Sorcha and Honor are burning their vaccination certs and putting the photos of it up on Instagram.]

Ronan goes, “Hodor, we’re in thrubble. … We’re dead in the wather. … It’s oaber, Sudeka. I sted at the roulette table too long – stordee of me life. … Thrust me, Sudeka, in a year’s time, all these companies that’s arthur leasing these big office buildings will want to see their staff sitting right theer in fruddent of them.”

And it’s at that exact moment that Sorcha’s phone ends up ringing.

“My boss,” she goes. … She answers the thing. We only end up hearing her side of the conversation. But – yeah, no – she ends up going, “Sorcha Lalor speaking … Oh, hi, how are you? I was just inputting the figures for- … Excuse me? . . . Sea swimming? … Yes, I’ve swum in Sandycove – oh my God, loads of times, but- … When supposedly was this? … Oh my God, it was, like, an hour. Then we went for coffee – two hours, tops. Plus I made up the time later when- … Do you mind me asking where you got this information? Because it sounds like a breach of my GD-.”

Sorcha’s boss has obviously hung up.

“Oh my God,” she goes, “they want me back in the office full-time from, like, April.”

I’m there, “Another satisfied customer, goys.”

And Ronan goes, “Maybe there’s life in Remote Woorkforce Monitoding yet.”

I think that Sorcha’s cut-off “GD-” is “GDPR”. At least she’s not working from Spain.

Pingback: ‘GDPR and remote working, Ross O’Carroll Kelly-style’ | Private Law Theory - Obligations, property, legal theory
Eoin says:

17 November, 2021 at 12:08 pm

Further developments:

Honor’s like, ‘Dad, can I leave school?’ I’m there ‘I don’t see why not’

… “There’s a hundord-and-fifty-odd companies is arthur signing up,” Ronan goes, “and there’s mower interested. You’re the thalk of the Sheddle Button Bar – that right, Cheerlie?”

The old man’s there, “Absolutely! …”

Yeah, no, they’re talking about Remote Workforce Monitoring, the confidential whistle-blower line, where members of the public – in return for a substantial cash incentive – can inform on people who are supposably working from home, but are really, like, not?

… The old man literally laughs [at] … “what this company is worth!” …

Ronan goes, “We’ve had it independently vadued, Sudeka. It’s already woorth five middion eurdos.”

… the old man goes. “And that’s just the stort of it! Imagine what it could be worth in two years’ time, when hybrid working is the norm!”

“We could be thalken ten toyums that amount,” Ronan goes. “Even mower.”

… The old man goes, “Welcome to the world of the billionaire entrepreneur, Honor!”
Eoin says:

4 February, 2022 at 11:10 am

Even more developments:

“It’s oaber!” Ronan goes … “When I say it’s oaber, Rosser, Ine thalken about me and Hodor’s business. It’s boddixed, so it is.”

Ronan and Honor’s business – just to fill you in – is called Remote Workforce Monitoring. … The last I heard, more than two hundred companies had signed up to the service …

I’m like, “What happened, Ro?”

And he goes, “Tody bleaten Hoodihan happened. He’s arthur sinking eer whole operation – by tedding the Government to open up.”

[Ross and Ronan go into the kitchen, where Sorcha and Honor are burning their vaccination certs and putting the photos of it up on Instagram.]

Ronan goes, “Hodor, we’re in thrubble. … We’re dead in the wather. … It’s oaber, Sudeka. I sted at the roulette table too long – stordee of me life. … Thrust me, Sudeka, in a year’s time, all these companies that’s arthur leasing these big office buildings will want to see their staff sitting right theer in fruddent of them.”

And it’s at that exact moment that Sorcha’s phone ends up ringing.

“My boss,” she goes. … She answers the thing. We only end up hearing her side of the conversation. But – yeah, no – she ends up going, “Sorcha Lalor speaking … Oh, hi, how are you? I was just inputting the figures for- … Excuse me? . . . Sea swimming? … Yes, I’ve swum in Sandycove – oh my God, loads of times, but- … When supposedly was this? … Oh my God, it was, like, an hour. Then we went for coffee – two hours, tops. Plus I made up the time later when- … Do you mind me asking where you got this information? Because it sounds like a breach of my GD-.”

Sorcha’s boss has obviously hung up.

“Oh my God,” she goes, “they want me back in the office full-time from, like, April.”

I’m there, “Another satisfied customer, goys.”

And Ronan goes, “Maybe there’s life in Remote Woorkforce Monitoding yet.”

I think that Sorcha’s cut-off “GD-” is “GDPR”. At least she’s not working from Spain.